Tuesday, June 23, 2009

No medication needed

When I was much younger and newly married I clearly did not have a thorough knowledge of how the male mind works. That was until I came down with a stomach bug and my darling husband tried to comfort me in my time of need.

I had been puking all evening when he came and laid down beside me and said I know what will make you feel better. Naive and not knowing what he meant, I was almost flattered when I realized that he was coming on to me.

Man, I must be really good if you would risk catching a stomach virus.

I barely got the words out of my mouth when he responded, Oh I didn't want to kiss you or anything, I just thought we could do it.

How romantic. Let me just hang my head off the bed in case I puke.

I think it took him a minute before he realized I was being sarcastic because, he would never admit it, but he was looking around for a garbage can.

Then there was the time I came down with the flu and really thought maybe I was dying. I tried to wake him so he could get me a drink, but it was like waking a hibernating bear so I practically crawled to the kitchen out of sheer desperation, and was shocked when he woke up as I climbed back into the bed. I told him how sick I was and even contemplated on whether or not I should go to the ER and he lovingly suggested I give him a wet willy (and no, I don't mean a wet finger in the ear).

Really, you really think that will work? I mean I was thinking something along the lines of intravenous fluids and antibiotics, maybe some Tami flu or something but my God, I had no idea I had a magic stick here all along. I mean if I had only known that would make me better I would have woken you up hours ago.

Of course how could I ever forget when I had a terrible eye infection and he suggested that I take my hand and walk through the garden of love...

No thanks. I heard there was a snake there that bites.

Somehow, I don't think he was amused.

Needless to say this theory works both ways. If the man ever gets sick he can barely move, is totally helpless, and really thinks he is sicker than anyone has ever been before, but if he thinks he stands half a chance, you know what would make him feel better.

I just thought I would share this theory with you in case you ever come down with something and are open to suggestions. However, I bet if you are married, or dating, or know a man, you have probably heard this all before.

1 comment:

  1. That is every man!!!! You could have 2 feet knocking on deaths door and that would be the cure all.