Sunday, May 16, 2010

New commandments

I can only tell this story as it was told to me since I was too young to remember the actual event. However, I feel this is an important piece of our family history and should  be shared. It pretty much sums us up and it proves that I have always had a great sense of humor.

One fine Sunday morning the parents rounded up all six of their children and headed to church. The mere thought of attempting to get six children ready and off to church makes me shudder. I simply can't imagine. If I had six kids we would probably turn on the gospel radio station and watch an episode of Veggie Tales and call it even.

Regardless, there we were, the whole brood, ready to get spiritual. I am sure my parents were pleased and felt all holy and stuff right up until the moment it happened...

someone in the family let one.

My two-year-old self, who was seated up on my dad's lap did not want to let a golden opportunity such as this pass by so I loudly proclaimed, "DADDY FARTED!"

Now who actually passed the gas has been a great debate amongst the family for years, some say I was the guilty party, but I believe it could have been any one of the suspects. I lived with these people for years, I know they are capable.

Needless to say my outburst caused great commotion and everyone turned to look at my poor red-faced father who had thrown me onto my mother and was doing his best to slide out of the pew past his laughing family. I guess they never read the commandment - Thou shalt not laugh at thy father or thy husband.

By this time the service had come to a complete halt and everyone was in hysterics watching my poor father who was insistent that my mother get the kids up. I can only speculate but I am pretty sure that neither the Father, the Son, nor the Holy Spirit was going to be in the conversation taking place in the car ride home.

My poor mother was laughing so hard that her poor after children bladder could not take it and you guessed it, she wet her pants. A fact that I used to think was hilarious but now that I have had three children, I unfortunately can relate.

 By now I am sure even the church leader was silently praying God come down and take this poor family out of their misery or at least get them out of his church. So my mother managed to get herself up, still holding the culprit, and situate herself in between two of the tallest children in a pitiful attempt to cover her mishap and walk out of church with her head held high and probably cussing my father, who was long gone and hiding in the car, under her breath.

I can't so say for sure but I am fairly certain it is situations like this that started the whole nursery and children's church concept. If your church does not offer such a luxury, simply remember this commandment - Thou shalt not hold the baby in church.